when no one is important, everyone is
love yourself, not your appearance
there's a first layer of interaction with people. it involves the type of conversation that happens when people don't know anything about one another and people are very focused on making sure the other person is having a good time. This is the first stage of getting to know another person and this is all about consideration, being careful, gathering information, etc. You don't bother bringing stuff up unless you know that it benefits them in some way or unless you know that there's something direct between the way the two of you interact. interactions are calculated - the work that you put into interacting with another person is offset by the satisfaction of interaction.
once you get closer to someone, this changes. interacting with this other person is no longer work. being around this person is passively better than it is worse and this is true in a selfish way. interactions are no longer tradeoffs between enjoyment and energy but win-wins or free lunches. you are happy to hang out with this person even if you aren't doing anything with them in particular. you know each other well enough to know what their default state is like and how to enjoy it. as a result, neither of you need to put so much work into making sure that the other is comfortable. you can mostly do whatever you want.
relationship between age, stability, decreased
risk taking, decay
as time goes on, the less
ithink of the world as large and expansive and more like a program running on a computer.
realityis just minecraft and there's a little person in your head who's driving who's got nothing better to do.
much better than a
riveris the analogy of an open sea.
worship of professionals vs seeing your perspective to be as good as the perspective of anyone you deem equal to you
lack of interest in equals
the importance in narrative matching.
isuspect that a huge part of validating speech is just narrative matching.
isuspect that a huge part of emotional resonance is narrative matching.
narrativesare fractal. lots of people have big term
narratives, but some definitely don't. a big term narrative is nice and comforting - it can provide a lot of structure in the way that you think about things and free up a lot of processing
power. everyone has smaller
narratives. There are
narrativesaround trying to get food or
cleaningyour room, or going to the park.
narrativeshave a natural tension and release, which is an inherent part of
musicand art. the tension is the
effortthat you have to put into something and the release is getting that thing or getting a part of that thing.
talkingabout your narrative is weird! coming to terms that a certain thing is your narrative is not always easy and expressing what your narrative is to other people invites concern about what they're going to think of you.
isuspect that a person's narrative aligns pretty clearly to their
personaor at least their internal
persona, so there's that.
look for things that give you the highest intensity of emotions, not the things that are just good enough.
what makes people change
southern values: loyalty, honor, responsibility, ingroup. relationship between repeated interactions, loyalty and a focus on competence
conflict between constant progress and
my whole thing is finding problems so that
ican fix them. when
ifind a problem, it's exciting to me because it's another thing that
ican start working on and potentially try and improve. in encouraging people to take action,
ihave had the approach that other people also think this way. however, this is not true. motivating people requires something else.
game where you look at a user's musical history and get points for recommending them
musicthat they like or don't like, this gives rise to a reverse feed.
articles that just take an easily popular opinion and provide arbitrary reasons that they're true
ineed a lot of the same kinds of validation that people talk about (validation that you're good or funny or smart), but
ido require a lot of validation for more basic things (do you have the same perspective that
ido? do you understand my perspective or are you just responding to my words? am
isuccessfully communicating any of my inner context as opposed to merely communicating my words? Are you able to see things in a similar way as
organic eventsvs corporate events
in order to see whether or not you like someone, you have to be able to tell how they are when they don't care what you think
when you depend on something strongly, it becomes harder to criticize.
isee a lot of people who strongly believe in the
powerof technology get more and more upset by technology being bad, but a lot of people don't realize that there are
systemsoutside of technology designed to fix technology's problems.
syzygy is in the city, which means it's close by if someone is going out to something, but not great if people want to swing by from
homecasually. Maybe it would have been better to have a place close to where lots of people live, that they can go to easily from where they live. in picking the current location, i've picked a location that's equally inconvenient to everyone.
communities not people
a show where two people are opposite in a particular way, but they don't know what
consent and cowards
other forms of clickbait:
- this thing that is popular/people use a lot is actually bad
- outrage culture
- callout culture
- dunk culture
- look at how stupid this comment is type
sometimes you want some vague sense of connection without knowing how to bring it about
fuck people who think it's better to complain to an authority than communicate to the individual who's frustrating you
people talk about community as if it's something that people need, but
ithink this narrative is bad - community is GOOD and powerful.
as plants grow in the sun, relationships grow in the lazy hours
i'm taking a while to respond to you cause
iwant to find a chunk of time to have a full conversation
corporate event vs casual fun party with friends
pointing out people's problems doesn't make people want to solve them, it makes people want to avoid thinking about them
communicationas a signal for the
closenessof a community
i'm decent at
talking, but that
talkingcomes at a cost of making sure that I'm properly responding to the conversation and making sure that i'm being involved "correctly" and having to do that is exhausting
mob psycho is a really good anime that callouts a lot of the negative influence of fetishizing intellectualism in nerd culture
here's a new definition of
social capital- the sum of the quality of all your relationships.
ibelieve pretty strongly that the quality of relationships increase something like logarithmically. going back to the
tiers of closeness
short guide on how to engage with me
nostalgia is a key selling point for fascism
easy for life to
what's the deal with the valley of friendship?
inviting people to events sucks
resolutionfor happiness. increase
value people's negative opinions
people who are good at things tend to want to hear negative feedback more often. people who are not good at things tend to want to hear positive feedback.
what makes people change?
high quality interactions are difficult without getting to know someone for a while
interactive art ideas
anomieis the condition in which society provides little moral guidance to individuals.
learning to let go of truth and correctness is conversation
attentionis limited. not just in a short sense but in a long term sense. when you let
social mediaeat up your
attention, you have less
attentionto give to the things you care about.
consider this possibility -
effortis a limited resource. there are things you can do to induce more
effortand there are things that cost
effort. when you fill all your downtime browsing reddit or twitter or instagram, you are using up
effortthat would otherwise be stored for later use.
stability is imperfect suicide - the world will inevitably swallow you up.
impossibilities are inevitable
his terrible swift sword
we are all just swimming in the great
ithink would be nice to have some way of communicating things that's less aggressive, but still stating your preference. for example, say you have people over and you're getting just the slightest bit tired and you would like people to start thinking about what they're going to do next. wouldn't it be nice to be able to say that without worrying about your words being misinterpreted?
well, context provides a way for people to understand what you mean. looking at your phone, starting to clean up, and going off and doing something on your own are all ways to communicate this vague sentiment. However, it requires that people be capable of picking up on these context clues.
the difference between being laughed at and been laughed with is whether people care if you're laughing.
lots of people see
kindnessas a choice and not as a skill. people don't realize that there are bad ways to be kind and good ways. its easy to think you're being kind and actually making people feel worse. it's something you need to practice, see your own limitations at and iterate on.
things are not as important as the relationships between them
you're not as smart as you think you are - you've just created a heuristic for intelligence that prioritizes the things you're good at.
if you think something is simple, you don't have a full understanding yet
in everyone you know, strive to find something that they are better than you at
the true name of god is
consider a giant living among ants. The slightest movement of the giant can destroy the homes of a thousand ants. as such, every ant is aware of even the smallest action of a giant, yet there is no reason for a giant to know anything about even a million ants.
consider how ignorant a giant must be compared to an ant. The ant knows of many worlds besides it's own, but the giant, having no predators or anything that can hurt it, has no pressure to be aware of anything.
is it better to be a giant or an ant? both, or either, when it suits you. don't be fooled into thinking that anyone is one or the other. everyone is both at all times.
in the end, you will kill yourself.
selfis the true exercise of the God called
ALL TRUTHS ARE LIES
there is no truth. only useful lies. every lie is a tool.
inclusiveness is not telling people that they're allowed to join whenever they want.
the three faces of violence are mathematics, art, and
write a deep dive into different burning man principles
consider the violence of
living is an exercise in violence
perfection is cyclical suicide
want without needing
if you should meet god on the road, kill him
crack open god's bones and suck out the marrow
reach heaven by violence
low self-esteem requires the confidence of believing you have a correct perspective on yourself, your limits, your character.
make no compromises for the things you want, the things that you think might make you happy
middle gap is 106 inches
stuff to get for apartment
stuff to get from syz
stuff to get from adeline
life deck game
puzzle conversation game
high/low context cultures
the line between subjective and objective and how it can vary between people
places to go
ihate when people think that something is super unique and get really excited about showing it off like it's really unique, but it's actually super popular and it just seems unique based on their small circle of friends.
questionsthat get people to be closer to one another
How to make people deeply curious about other people's perspectives
email leads vs FRIENDSHIP
types of people
Saturday meetings/work with house meeting-esque personal catch up
bulk food materials
things that have only one reason to happen don't happen
iget to know you, the more interesting you should be.
time investment curve
emotional support sayings
bay area attractions
dimensions of conversation
a glass can only spill what it contains
mental cron jobs
best simple burn thing
music fighting game