talks and lectures kinda suck

northern nights

southern hospitality


maybe open invitations are shit for events that promote

you're smart and you're kind in a deeper way than most, but you're also a coward and everything you love will wither and die because of your unwillingness to take care of or protect it.

had a conversation from last night that made me realize -
need a lot of stimulation from relationships.
need a lot of density in interactions.

let's say there's a concept of an informational pupil that exists in our mind's eye - a filter that controls how much information gets in or controls how much information is in a single packet. people are acclimated towards certain amounts of information. if the amount of information that is received is not the same amount as what they're used to, this pupil dilates or contracts in order to get the proper amount.

this is
pretty generically so let's dive into how this works with a concrete example. a person who listens to
strongly intentionally probably has a pretty high expectation of musical information. when a song is simple, there's a natural desire for something more unique or more complex. this is probably driven by musical experience - someone who's studied
since childhood is likely to have a high threshold for musical information, since they're used to being pushed to accept more and more musical information.

here's a more complex example: emotional information. a person might vary in how much emotional information they're happy interacting with. one person might be happy with simple things like "wow you look great today" - which is a fairly straightfoward form of emotional validation, while other people might want something a lot deeper - statements that tie many experiences together to create a complex context that make non-obvious comments or actions take on deep emotional impact. as a simple example, many repeated conversations with jay about food, him being picky, me wishing that he was more open to things, me always trying to accommodate his picky-ness means that, when
say something like "a friend wants to get dinner at this vegan restaurant" and he says "cool that sounds good", it means a lot rather than seeing it as a simple action.

emotional information also has personal threshold and a self-balancing aspect to it. a person who's had a rough emotional history probably has a lower emotional threshold - historically, emotions haven't been great for them so they've been trained not to let too much emotional information in. they don't like digging too much into what different things mean because it could be bad so they prefer to be simple and straightforward. on the other end, people who have had a rich emotional history have probably have a higher emotional threshold. they crave deeper connections and meaning that simple compliments and validation can't provide. those kinds of interactions can come off as fake or shallow and the informational pupil will dilate to try and seek out more of that information.

as you might have inferred, there's many types of informational thresholds and pupils and
suspect strongly that they can change with age. something that once brought you joy might make now make you miserable so you purposefully lower your informational threshold. an easy example of this is politics. as a teenager, one might get excited about politics as a way to change the world. this is especially appealing when you're young, trying to figure out what you can do, and trying to find a way to have more control over your life. as an adult, you might end up jaded and pessimistic and conclude that there's nothing there for you, causing you to avoid politics. on the other end, you might start digging more into a new thing that you didn't have much consideration for because of your social group. as interest in a thing increase, that can drive your informational threshold

there might also be a global threshold that encompasses all of your inner thresholds. if you get more excited about one thing, you might necessarily lower your informational threshold about other things. if you lower one informational threshold, you might create a vacuum that makes you hungry for other information. that second one seems anecdotally accurate - people often talk about drowning out your grief with something else.

connection between dissonance and negative feedback loops

It's easy to notice things wrong with the world and decide to work on them. It's a lot harder to notice things wrong with yourself and work on them

it's easier to try and change things in the world than it is to try and change things wit

True understanding is weird.
think that a lot of people think they understand things when they don't. At the end, understanding is not a destination but a journey and as you get deeper and deeper, you realize there is infinite potential for refinement.

True understanding is valuable, especially with the things that you care about. Neglecting that understanding can lead to negative consequences.

Consider water. Someone might have an understanding that drinking water reduces thirst. Someone with this understanding might also

How do you change someone's narrative?

The hard way is the obvious way - end up so desperate that you have to change the narrative. That's happened to me a number of times.

But ive also had it happen positively - with psi u. With jay

If everyone is family, no one is.

those who do nothing will always lose

when no one is important, everyone is

hunter mentality

relationship between age, stability, decreased
risk taking
, decay

worship of professionals vs seeing your perspective to be as good as the perspective of anyone you deem equal to you

lack of interest in equals

look for things that give you the highest intensity of emotions, not the things that are just good enough.

what makes people change

southern values: loyalty, honor, responsibility, ingroup. relationship between repeated interactions, loyalty and a focus on competence

conflict between constant progress and

game where you look at a user's musical history and get points for recommending them
that they like or don't like, this gives rise to a reverse feed.

articles that just take an easily popular opinion and provide arbitrary reasons that they're true

don't think
need a lot of the same kinds of validation that people talk about (validation that you're good or funny or smart), but
do require a lot of validation for more basic things (do you have the same perspective that
do? do you understand my perspective or are you just responding to my words? am
successfully communicating any of my inner context as opposed to merely communicating my words? Are you able to see things in a similar way as

music automation

organic events
vs corporate events

in order to see whether or not you like someone, you have to be able to tell how they are when they don't care what you think

when you depend on something strongly, it becomes harder to criticize.
see a lot of people who strongly believe in the
of technology get more and more upset by technology being bad, but a lot of people don't realize that there are
outside of technology designed to fix technology's problems.

syzygy is in the city, which means it's close by if someone is going out to something, but not great if people want to swing by from
casually. Maybe it would have been better to have a place close to where lots of people live, that they can go to easily from where they live. in picking the current location, i've picked a location that's equally inconvenient to everyone.

communities not people

a show where two people are opposite in a particular way, but they don't know what

consent and cowards

other forms of clickbait:
- this thing that is popular/people use a lot is actually bad
- outrage culture
- callout culture
- dunk culture
- look at how stupid this comment is type

sometimes you want some vague sense of connection without knowing how to bring it about

fuck people who think it's better to complain to an authority than communicate to the individual who's frustrating you

people talk about community as if it's something that people need, but
think this narrative is bad - community is GOOD and powerful. 

as plants grow in the sun, relationships grow in the lazy hours

i'm taking a while to respond to you cause
want to find a chunk of time to have a full conversation

corporate event vs casual fun party with friends

pointing out people's problems doesn't make people want to solve them, it makes people want to avoid thinking about them

higher order
as a signal for the
of a community

i'm decent at
, but that
comes at a cost of making sure that I'm properly responding to the conversation and making sure that i'm being involved "correctly" and having to do that is exhausting

mob psycho is a really good anime that callouts a lot of the negative influence of fetishizing intellectualism in nerd culture

here's a new definition of
social capital
- the sum of the quality of all your relationships.
believe pretty strongly that the quality of relationships increase something like logarithmically. going back to the
tiers of closeness

short guide on how to engage with me

casual conversation

single dependancies

nostalgia is a key selling point for fascism

easy for life to


what's the deal with the valley of friendship?

inviting people to events sucks

for happiness. increase

value people's negative opinions

community resources

instagram events

people who are good at things tend to want to hear negative feedback more often. people who are not good at things tend to want to hear positive feedback.

what makes people change?

high quality interactions are difficult without getting to know someone for a while

social capital

interactive art ideas


is the condition in which society provides little moral guidance to individuals.

learning to let go of truth and correctness is conversation

is limited. not just in a short sense but in a long term sense. when you let
the internet
social media
eat up your
, you have less
to give to the things you care about.

consider this possibility -
is a limited resource. there are things you can do to induce more
and there are things that cost
. when you fill all your downtime browsing reddit or twitter or instagram, you are using up
that would otherwise be stored for later use.

stability is imperfect suicide - the world will inevitably swallow you up.

impossibilities are inevitable

his terrible swift sword

we are all just swimming in the great
of creation.

at parties,
think would be nice to have some way of communicating things that's less aggressive, but still stating your preference. for example, say you have people over and you're getting just the slightest bit tired and you would like people to start thinking about what they're going to do next. wouldn't it be nice to be able to say that without worrying about your words being misinterpreted? 

well, context provides a way for people to understand what you mean. looking at your phone, starting to clean up, and going off and doing something on your own are all ways to communicate this vague sentiment. However, it requires that people be capable of picking up on these context clues.

the difference between being laughed at and been laughed with is whether people care if you're laughing.

lots of people see
as a choice and not as a skill. people don't realize that there are bad ways to be kind and good ways. its easy to think you're being kind and actually making people feel worse. it's something you need to practice, see your own limitations at and iterate on. 

things are not as important as the relationships between them

you're not as smart as you think you are - you've just created a heuristic for intelligence that prioritizes the things you're good at.

if you think something is simple, you don't have a full understanding yet

weekly update


in everyone you know, strive to find something that they are better than you at



fundamentals of

the true name of god is

consider a giant living among ants. The slightest movement of the giant can destroy the homes of a thousand ants. as such, every ant is aware of even the smallest action of a giant, yet there is no reason for a giant to know anything about even a million ants.

consider how ignorant a giant must be compared to an ant. The ant knows of many worlds besides it's own, but the giant, having no predators or anything that can hurt it, has no pressure to be aware of anything.

is it better to be a giant or an ant? both, or either, when it suits you. don't be fooled into thinking that anyone is one or the other. everyone is both at all times.

in the end, you will kill yourself. 

Love of
is the true exercise of the God called


there is no truth. only useful lies. every lie is a tool.

inclusiveness is not telling people that they're allowed to join whenever they want.

the three faces of violence are mathematics, art, and

write a deep dive into different burning man principles

consider the violence of

living is an exercise in violence

perfection is cyclical suicide

want without needing

hate-fuck life

if you should meet god on the road, kill him

crack open god's bones and suck out the marrow

reach heaven by violence

low self-esteem requires the confidence of believing you have a correct perspective on yourself, your limits, your character.

make no compromises for the things you want, the things that you think might make you happy

middle gap is 106 inches

stuff to get for apartment

stuff to get from syz

stuff to get from adeline

life deck game

puzzle conversation game



high/low context cultures

scavenger hunts/bingo

the line between subjective and objective and how it can vary between people

places to go

hate when people think that something is super unique and get really excited about showing it off like it's really unique, but it's actually super popular and it just seems unique based on their small circle of friends.

that get people to be closer to one another

How to make people deeply curious about other people's perspectives

email leads vs FRIENDSHIP

music discovery

types of people

Donation box

Saturday meetings/work with house meeting-esque personal catch up


Pet room

bulk food materials

third place

things that have only one reason to happen don't happen

personal game


social links

kuleshov effect

restaurant rotation

the more
get to know you, the more interesting you should be. 

time investment curve

emotional support sayings

bay area attractions

interview question

led jacket



modern manners

november magazine


dimensions of conversation

social knitting


music transitions


social club

music discovery

surface area

a glass can only spill what it contains

mental cron jobs

planned remixes

bunny burn

cumulative experiences

self care

best simple burn thing



arcade cabinets


live setup

music fighting game

word game

life tracker

post queue

music generation